The Twos of Me

October 22, 2019

After 14 years of misdiagnosis, broken relationships, estranged siblings, physical, mental and emotional exhaustion, hurtful judgement from people among all other things.. I finally know what is going on. It's not easy living as me. It's so complicated. It's scary. One day I'm okay, the next minute I'm not. I have pushed a lot of people away from getting close to me. I don't think I can ever forgive myself if I push you away from me.

Here's an open letter to anyone who cares about someone with PMDD:

Until I fully get better, I need you to know that one, or worse, two days in a month, someone else will be answering your text messages to me. She might not be as fun, funny and nice as I am. She might say things that I don't normally say on our usual conversations. She will be boring, annoying, exhausting and really heavy to be around with. Please understand... She's not me. She's the PMDD talking. She's taken over me and like you, she's not my favorite. Believe me, I've tried a lot of things to win against her, but all she makes me want to do is think I'm not pretty, think I'm not worth anything, think I don't deserve anything nice. Oh, and not just that, there will be times in those 2 days I mentioned earlier, that she won't even let me do anything, not even to get up to get food, worse, to pee. You see, I don't like her. I don't like her a lot. I don't like what she's making me do to you. Can you please stay with me a little longer until I make her go away? I would really like you to get to know "me", and not "her". I'd need a lot of patience and understanding from you for me in those two days. But if you can't, I'll be very sad but I'll understand.

Me - who is trying so so hard to be better every single day

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